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8 months agoThe past few weeks Iโve been posting a lot of wins.
But thatโs not the whole story
And Iโm not fake.
So, in as many words as I wish to use, I want to share my testimony.
Photo 1: What pain can look like.
Photo last: Finding peace.
Everything else: The journey.
Those who know me know my lifelong battle with depression and its depths.
Iโve got stories written in invisible ink on pages Iโm still uncertain to share.
The days would get dark. I felt so alone. Like no one would miss me if I were gone, alone. Not because I didnโt know I was loved. I just didnโt believe the version of who people loved is who I really was.
I was trapped in this cyclone of fear, anger, and hopelessness.
And I was so, so good at hiding.
2023 was the lowest point for me.
I put myself away.
But God.
In hindsight, I realize I was not forgotten. But you couldnโt tell me that. I was angry with and rejected God. How was I experiencing this if God was who they said He was? I learned (slowly) that I needed fresh soil to grow. I needed to learn to say, โI need help.โ I needed to accept help.
I needed to know my faith for myself.
If youโve got time and the heart for it, Iโll read some of those pages of my story to you. In doing so, I hope it brings glory to God, shines light on therapy, and helps someone else whoโs going through.
There wasnโt a single moment of โrevelationโ (the marathon continues). And today, Iโm not sure if Iโm โcuredโ of my mental health challenges. I donโt think itโs that simple. But I can say that Iโve got a hope Iโve never had before. That God is spirit and science (go to therapy). That I know my story is not my own, and that Iโm meant to love others through that empathy.
There are three things Iโve learned that I want to share. I hope this is meaningful to someone out there:
- Be honest with God. Donโt get so caught up in performing reverence that you canโt keep it real
- Find someone out there that loves you and be completely vulnerable with them. You cannot do it alone forever
- Sever what isnโt serving you. Yes, youโll grieve, but you have to in order to grow.
My goal is to not delete later. Weโll see. Love yโall ๐ซถ๐ฝ