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8 months agoThe past few weeks I’ve been posting a lot of wins.
But that’s not the whole story
And I’m not fake.
So, in as many words as I wish to use, I want to share my testimony.
Photo 1: What pain can look like.
Photo last: Finding peace.
Everything else: The journey.
Those who know me know my lifelong battle with depression and its depths.
I’ve got stories written in invisible ink on pages I’m still uncertain to share.
The days would get dark. I felt so alone. Like no one would miss me if I were gone, alone. Not because I didn’t know I was loved. I just didn’t believe the version of who people loved is who I really was.
I was trapped in this cyclone of fear, anger, and hopelessness.
And I was so, so good at hiding.
2023 was the lowest point for me.
I put myself away.
But God.
In hindsight, I realize I was not forgotten. But you couldn’t tell me that. I was angry with and rejected God. How was I experiencing this if God was who they said He was? I learned (slowly) that I needed fresh soil to grow. I needed to learn to say, “I need help.” I needed to accept help.
I needed to know my faith for myself.
If you’ve got time and the heart for it, I’ll read some of those pages of my story to you. In doing so, I hope it brings glory to God, shines light on therapy, and helps someone else who’s going through.
There wasn’t a single moment of “revelation” (the marathon continues). And today, I’m not sure if I’m “cured” of my mental health challenges. I don’t think it’s that simple. But I can say that I’ve got a hope I’ve never had before. That God is spirit and science (go to therapy). That I know my story is not my own, and that I’m meant to love others through that empathy.
There are three things I’ve learned that I want to share. I hope this is meaningful to someone out there:
- Be honest with God. Don’t get so caught up in performing reverence that you can’t keep it real
- Find someone out there that loves you and be completely vulnerable with them. You cannot do it alone forever
- Sever what isn’t serving you. Yes, you’ll grieve, but you have to in order to grow.
My goal is to not delete later. We’ll see. Love y’all 🫶🏽